Issue #88: Thoughts for the Week

Recently, I was interviewed by the editor of “Thoughts For The Week” in a fascinating discussion of current events. The following is a condensed version of that interview:

Thoughts For The Week Editor: Hi, Rich, how are you today?

Rich: I am good, all things considered. Are we done with this interview yet? 

TFTW: No, there are many topics that we would like to explore with you.

Rich: I am flattered, if not flatulent. Please proceed.

TFTW: First, how are your NCAA brackets performing? 

Rich: It is not really funny that you should ask.’  'Funny you should ask!’ is one of those filler things we all say, when we are filibustering for time when we are fumbling for a response. How many times does somebody say to me, ‘That is a good question!’ when the question that I have asked them is ‘Where did you grow up?’ But, I digress. My NCAA brackets are performing nicely. But the teams that I have selected to win the NCAA Championship in 2023 have not fared quite as well. 

TFTW: How can your brackets be performing well and the teams that you have selected have not? 

Rich: Well, you see, the brackets just sit there holding the names of the teams that remain in the tournament. I, on the other hand, had picked the Davidson College Wildcats to win the 2023 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.

TFTW: Davidson? Why, the Wildcats didn’t make the 2023 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament this year!

Rich: I know that. But I am loyal. I pick them to win every year, regardless of whether they get in the tournament or not. 

TFTW: You would think that, you being a ‘Big Time’ former Division I point guard, that you would be pretty good when it comes to picking winners. 

Rich: Yes, you might think that, given that I played for a 20-game winner in college. But then again, it took us three years to compile those 20 wins.

TFTW: Let’s turn from the world of sports to the world of business. What is happening in the banking world?

Rich: Well, according to a member of the U.S. House of Representatives Banking Committee, there seems to be a lot of problems with Silicone Valley Bank. Silicone is used as an adhesive and as a sealant, but apparently, this one bank started leaking deposits because the silicone didn’t work. 

TFTW: With all due respect to the esteemed member of the House Banking Committee, the name of the bank is Silicon Valley Bank, not Silicone Valley Bank! 

Rich: Oh. I guess that would make a difference. 

TFTW: Have you heard anything else about Silicon Valley Bank’s troubles?

Rich: Yes, in fact I did. Apparently, there was a big landscaping problem at Silicon Valley Bank, because they did not have the proper hedges against rising interest rates.

TFTW: Good point. Are you hedged properly?

Rich: No, my wife and I don’t have any hedges, but our azaleas are looking beautiful this year. 

TFTW: Let’s turn to the topic of international affairs. Is there anything you would like to talk about?

Rich: No, not really. There are entire television networks that are only devoted to affairs. I don’t need to address that topic here. 

TFTW: Are you talking about soap operas?

Rich: Yes, I am. There is that one soap opera that has to do with a former president who pays a porn star $130,000. How stupid is that? He could have gotten all that for free on the internet! Then there is that soap opera about the former president who tries to convince a guy named Brad to ‘find 11,780 votes.’ There is just one episode of that show, and a couple of the networks show the same episode over and over and over again. Boring! Then there is the soap opera about the former president who takes a bunch of classified documents and stores them in a wine cellar in his house! Can you believe that the TV networks can make a whole soap opera out of that? And finally, there is the soap opera about a president who tries to fool a bunch of banks into giving him loans by falsifying the value of his properties on which he has slapped his name! Duh! Like…doesn’t everybody do stuff like that? I mean, I have a 1969 Topps Don Mincher Seattle Pilots baseball card…it accounted for 87% of my net worth when I applied for a mortgage at Silicone Valley Bank, and when I checked this morning, it is only worth $1.40!

TFTW: To your credit, you were only being honest about your net worth. What do you make of all this? 

Rich: I think that these soap operas sell one hell of a lot pillows, car insurance, wireless phone service, and cream to cure plaque psoriasis. I can’t wait to get plaque psoriasis so that I can use up all of this Otezla I have bought! And I order a new pillow every day from that nice presidential advisor, Ron whas-sis-name! 

TFTW: Pivoting to technology news…we hear that this new technology known as The Chatbot, which utilizes artificial intelligence and machine learning, is going to change everything! 

Rich: First of all, none of that stuff is particularly new. I mean, I have had artificial intelligence my entire life. And machine learning? I mean, I have been learning machines forever! The bicycle, the vacuum cleaner, even a car – I learned to use every one of them!

TFTW: Would you like a Chatbot?

Rich: No, I would like to chat, bot I have to get my “Thoughts For The Week” to Elizabeth in our Toronto office so it can be published this Sunday morning at 9:00 a.m.!

See you next week!