The Secret Barrier To Economic Growth

My Caldwell colleagues and I finished a search project this week that took quite a bit longer than the average search project. (Okay, it took about three times longer than the average search usually takes…)

It should be noted that this is a great client, who runs a great company, in a geography that is attractive to millions of people. The people who work at this company are smart, diligent, strategic, creative, and empathetic. They floss regularly and have excellent manners.  

Why did this search take so long?

The answer is simple – good things take time. And in this case, the client took the time to get things right.  

Truth be known, this client got to the offer stage three times before they got an acceptance on the search. One candidate opted to stick with a job within their industry in a geography closer to their home. Another candidate opted for a high risk, high reward job with a private equity-backed company which operated within the industry in which the candidate had spent their entire career.  

The third candidate declined the opportunity because of what I have come to know as the secret barrier to economic growth in the United States.

What is this obstacle to growth, change and development into which I am constantly running headlong?

It is “The G.A.C.”  – The Grandchild Anti-Industrial Complex!

The G.A.C. is the term academicians residing at my house in Atlanta, writing this email from their basement, use to describe the proliferation of grandchildren that is gripping our country.

These cute, cuddly, innocent little obstacles to commercial progress are popping out all over the country and I, for one, am sick of it!

If I hear one more candidate say to me, “I agree, Rich, it is a great opportunity, and I really like the company, and I’d love to work there, but if I’m going to move it will be so that I can be closer to my grandchildren!” I might go play in the middle of Peachtree Street during rush hour. (In Atlanta, every hour is “rush hour”)

Damn you, grandchildren!  

Don’t you see that you are ruining the entire American economy, inhibiting progress and innovation, and ruining plans for world domination of a headhunter named Rich Perkey?

There you are, with your doe eyes, your infectious laughter, your uninhibited affection, melting and manipulating the emotions of candidates for jobs that I am trying to fill.

We’re not talking about good jobs, we’re talking about great jobs, with great companies, and these candidates don’t want to accept more money, more responsibility, and more fame because they would rather coo over your cute little derrieres, which they have no compunction about wiping, and kissing, literally and figuratively!

Gosh, just the thought of grandchildren is whipping me into a frenzy!

So, if you are like me, and you are so fortunate as to not be afflicted by grandchildren, you are probably wondering, “what, pray tell, is causing this epidemic of cute, cuddly grandchildren?”  

Well, let me tell you what I have learned from my research into the topic of The Grandchild Anti-Industrial Complex…

Their formation is being caused by yet another epidemic sweeping our country, and so help me, Dr. Fauci, this epidemic is not coming out of some laboratory in Wuhan, China.  

Instead, it is coming out of some bedroom, maybe even in a house located next door to you…  All these grandchildren are being caused by… 

“The U.S.A.”!!!

Yes, you read it right, grandchildren are caused by Unprotected Sexual Association!  

U.S.A. is happening millions of times across the country, and neither political party seems to have an answer for it, except perhaps when they highlight the long-term effects of U.S.A., i.e., what happens when grandchildren molt out of their cute chrysalises into adulthood – and all of a sudden, that sweet, innocent, beautiful granddaughter becomes…

Marjorie Taylor Greene.

I don’t know what we can do to stop the U.S.A. and halt this proliferation of adorable grandchildren whose filled diapers are filling our landfills, and whose indiscriminate, unconditional love makes adults talk like idiots.  

I mean, you see “U.S.A. Fever” gripping our nation, with our football stadiums and basketball arenas filled with thousands of seemingly sane men and women, chanting in unison…

“U.S.A.!!!  U.S.A.!!!  U.S.A.!!!”

Thank you for listening. I hope that you will join me in the effort to fight this inhibitor of economic growth and progress. The next time you hear that “U.S.A.!!!” chant, you will have a better, fuller understanding of its implications for the global economy and for one lonely headhunter, yours truly, who is just trying to do his job and help companies attract talent and leadership for lives of service and impact…

Hey…what is that old adage?… “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!”  

Hmmm… maybe one day I will be joined by a grandchild, so I can see what all the fuss is about!