The Rebranding of Rich Perkey

I am feeling a bit of stress because of the major news story this week that has gripped the attention of the entire world.

Yes, I am talking about the rebranding of Twitter, which will now be known by the same name as your former spouse – “X.”

As with everything associated with Elon Musk, this is truly an inspired and brilliant decision. I mean, come on, look how popular Russia is today, now that their military has splashed the letter “Z” all over the tanks they use to blast weapons at the Ukrainian people.

I can fully understand Elon’s desire to rebrand Twitter. Those of us born during the Eisenhower Administration remember when the word “twit” was a pejorative, as in “that twit wants me to spend $8 just to have a blue check mark beside my name on my account!” “Twit” was seen as a time saver because it took too long to call someone a “nincompoop.”

Now, every time I fill out one of those HIPPA forms at the doctor's office - you know, the form that lists 1000 diseases and asks if your long deceased grandmother, Zella Belvedere Hill Brooks, has come down with any of those diseases since the last time she died - I will put an “X” in several places on the form and then think “ I need to go X about this!” when I previously would have said “I need to go Tweet about this!”

What is the stress that I am feeling?

Many of the best letters have already been taken, and I haven't gotten mine yet!

Let's look at some of the letters that have already been taken:

“O”: There are two people who have absconded with the letter O. In the “modern era,” O is the brand of Oprah Winfrey. Anytime I see an O anywhere, I think of Oprah and how amazing she is, and that if I had ever been in the audience during the taping of the “Oprah Winfrey Show,” I would have gotten a new car, or a book, or whatever Oprah happened to be giving away that day. That said, I think Oprah should be forced to pay royalties to basketball great Oscar Robertson, who was known as “The Big O” long before the writers of “Sex in the City” repurposed that phrase.
“D”: Certainly, the actress Sandra Dee staked out her claim to the letter D in the 1950s, and she has continued to lay claim to this 4th letter of the alphabet, despite Sandra Dee having died in 2005.
“S”: The letter S has been taken by Superman, and you can't take it away from him unless you have a bucket of Kryptonite on you, which I doubt you have.

So, what letter am I going to use for my brand?

I want one that when you see it, you will think, “I need to hire Rich Perkey to conduct the search for our next (chief executive officer, chief financial officer, chief risk officer, chief cook & bottle washer, Kansas City Chiefs... any role that has “chief” in it.)

Although it would be natural for me to snatch up the letter “R,” I am not going to use it. That is because one of my Davidson Wildcat basketball teammates, Rod Owens, was dubbed “Big R” by our head basketball coach, Dave Pritchett, and there is no better use of the letter R than to pair it with “Big” and use it as the moniker for Rod Owens. He had (and still has) huge hands and shoulders that filled a doorway, and Big R wore size 18 basketball shoes! There is no way I could be rebranded as “R” because it is so well utilized by “Big R” Rod Owens.

So, I think I will now be rebranded as (drum roll please...)

“P”!

There it is! No matter where you see the letter “P” from now until the end of time, you will think, “I need to hire Rich Perkey!”

I love it! It is simple and elegant... “P” is me!

You know, I've been working on this edition of “Thoughts for the Week” for several hours, and I have consumed several gallons of water and coffee, and I really need to go and...

Damn it!

“P” has already been taken!

As much as I yearn for a new brand, I can't use the letter “P”!

Good luck with “X,” Elon!