July Is A Big Month
Ah, yes, we turn the calendar to the 3rd quarter of 2023. July, when the hot gets hotter, the month of the “Dog Days,” when the days begin to shrink, just like me. July, named in honor of Julius Caesar by the Roman Senate, who, feeling that they had not named enough for Julius, named the Caesar Salad after him! Apparently, shortly after Brutus had fileted Caesar, the senators considered naming a steak after Julius, but steaks had already been used to honor Diana, the Goddess of the Hunt. Given they had hoped that Julius would turn over a new leaf, several senators shouted, “LETTUCE NAME A SALAD AFTER CAESAR!!! So many Roman senators disliked Caesar that they decided to put anchovies on the Caesar Salad, which appeased Caesar’s many enemies.
Now that I am really into knowing more about the month of July, I have gone down into the Wikipedia rabbit hole... And I had no idea that:
The 21 days from June 14th through July 4th are legally known as “Honor America Days,” made into law by Congress in Title 36 of the United States Code, which states, “Thereby there be public gatherings and activities for the people of the United States to honor the United States. (True confessions - I flubbed Flag Day this year. I thought this holiday was in honor of Fannie Flagg, the actress and author who wrote the book Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café. Instead, Flag Day is when our country adopted the flag of the United States on June 14th, 1777.
July is “National Hot Dog Month in the United States! What is so interesting about National Hot Dog Month is that it is not an official United States holiday, acted upon by Congress; instead that July is National Hot Dog Month is something that was declared by an august body known as the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, to foster indigestion, obesity, and constipation throughout the hot dog eating world. This shadow government has declared that in 2023, July 19th is National Hot Dog Day! Yippee! Apparently, this group has studied the futility of naming false electors and just decided to arbitrarily and capriciously declare its own holiday. Stay tuned for “National Get Rich Perkey Day”!
On National Hot Dog Day, should we not honor “The Patron Saint of the Wiener,” the most significant consumer of hot dogs ever - Joey Chestnut? OMG, this guy has won 15 “Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contests”! In 2022, Chestnut ate 63 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes, despite the event being interrupted by a protester, who Chestnut placed in a chokehold. One wonders why Chestnut didn't just shove 63 Nathan's Hot Dogs down the protester’s throat, but I'm sure that the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council would not like their wieners to be branded as a “deadly weapon.”
While you have your calendars out, lest we not forget that July is also “National Ice Cream Month,” replete with “National Ice Cream Day,” which is always celebrated on the 3rd Sunday in July. Yes, my friends, these two days are in fact, the result of the good work of your United States Government, having been brought into existence by Joint Resolution 298 in the United States Senate and Joint Resolution 543 in the US House of Representatives in 1984. (Yes, I think someone in Congress was smoking a joint and had the munchies). Thank goodness that President Ronald Reagan signed this into law on July 9th, 1984.
Hopefully, we will come up with some way of honoring the bravery of those who are lactose intolerant and cannot participate in the festivities.
Hey, all of you, have a great second half of 2023. It's going to get better. I swear. Keep the faith.
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