It's for you, Mom
How I wish I had read Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, when I was in the third grade!
How much wiser would I be if I had lived by these wise words from Meditations 8.51?
“In your actions, don’t procrastinate. In your conversations, don’t confuse. In your thoughts, don’t wander. In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive. In your life, don’t be all about business.”
Holy cow! I have violated each of Marcus’ rules over the course of my life!
Violation # 1 - “In your actions, don’t procrastinate”: Geez, I am writing this piece with only minutes to spare before the deadline to get my Thoughts for the Week” to the talented Elizabeth Hawtin in Toronto so that my weekly nuggets of knowledge can make their way to your inbox!
Violation # 2 - “In your conversation, don’t confuse”: Geez, when I hear myself talking, I don’t understand what I am trying to say!
I blame this entirely on the truly “bang bang” play that happened when I was playing catcher in the Lynchburg (Virginia)* Pony League when I was 14 years old.
*It is important to differentiate between Lynchburg, Virginia, and Lynchburg, Tennessee. In Lynchburg, Tennessee, they make bourbon. In Lynchburg, Virginia, they make Baptists.
Let’s set the scene: David Shields had hit a triple and was on third base. Tony Thompson was pitching. Stuart Porter was the batter. I was the catcher.
Tony Thompson goes into his windup… Out of the corner of my eye, I see David Shields trying to steal home! I’m going to have to step up and catch Tony Thompson’s pitch and tag out David Shields!
Here comes the pitch! I stepped forward to catch it… How stupid is David Shields? He is an easy out!
But wait! What I didn’t realize is that Tony Thompson had thrown a fastball right down the middle of the plate, and Stuart Porter really liked the pitch…
The next sound I heard was not that of Tony Thompson’s pitch thudding into my catcher’s mitt.
The next sound I heard was that of…
WHAM!
That “WHAM!” was not to be confused with the 1980s boy band led by the late great George Michael.
This “WHAM!” was the sound of Stuart Porter’s 34-ounce Hillerich & Bradsby Louisville Slugger baseball bat slamming into the back of my skull.
The next sound that was heard was that of my head hitting home plate.
Yes, I had redefined the meaning of a “bang bang” play at home plate.
Stuart Porter’s bat had connected with my cranium, not Tony Thompson’s pitch. I was the one who was out…
I was out cold, as in “knocked out”.
The epilogue to this story?
> David Shields scored a run.
> Stuart Porter was awarded first base, as I was guilty of the infraction of "catcher's interference."
> Ever since that day, I have found it challenging to perform higher level math.
Violation # 3 - “In your thoughts, don’t wander”: The screed above violates this rule, in that I had no intention of retelling the “Stuart Porter Scrambled My Brains” story this week!
Violation # 4 - “In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive”: I am guilty of passive aggressively asking my wife Jill and my daughter Mary Brooks, “What does it mean to be ‘passive-aggressive’?”
Violation # 5 - “In life, don’t be all about business”: Of all of my transgressions of Marcus Aurelius’ rules, this one gives me the most mental anguish.
The reason?
When I was nine years old, I turned my relationship with my late mother into a commercial business transaction.
May 1967. I am in the third grade. Mother’s Day is the next Sunday. The assignment from my third grade teacher, Mrs. Proehl, is simple: “Make a Mother’s Day card for your mother.” Mrs. Proehl stipulated that our card must include an original work of poetry written especially for our Mom.
Here’s where I violated Marcus Aurelius’ rules about being “all business”: My poem, scrawled in my best cursive handwriting, reads:
It sure does pay
On that day in May
To give Mom something
On Mother’s Day!
When I wafted into adulthood, the reading of my third grade “Ode to Mother” became an annual Mother’s Day ritual.
So, Mom, here we go yet again!
But the something I give to you now is what you always gave to us…
Love.
It sure does pay!
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